I’ve been married for 3 ½ years and with my husband for over 6 years. My best piece of advice is to consider the following before criticizing your partner; what is upsetting you? Why? Is this something you can get over? If you decide to talk about it what is your desired outcome? This allows you to work through the argument before it happens and decide if it’s even worth it. It’s all about respect, both for yourself and your partner.@brithaart
Relationship length: 15 years, married for almost 13. We started dating at ages 20 and 21, married at 22 and 23.
Advice: Marriage is about balancing your personal growth and the growth of your relationship at the same time. It’s a delicate balance. OR as my dad so eloquently put it to me at 19, “Marriage is like the stock market. You make an investment and watch it grow, you follow the stock through its ups and downs, but if you’ve made a good investment, it always pays off in the long term. If you’ve made a bad investment you’ll know, it may go up a bit, but then it will go down and down even more and then you’re best to get out before you’re left with nothing.” #deepfatherdaughterconvos@madisonbuildersinc
Best advice: Managing expectations. Having expectations is the human condition. For you to say, “I’m not going to put any expectation on my spouse” is pretty unrealistic. Expectations too low? In the long term, you could end up burning yourself out over the weight of the marriage load you carry, even feel taken for granted or walked all over. Expectations too high? You could end up feeling very disappointed and let down by your spouse.
So, when it comes to marriage, managing expectations is key. How? For us, it means taking the time to reflect on what we need and want, from and for each other. This reflection time helps me to weed out unrealistic/irrational expectations and leads to some pretty cool conversations. What’s better than having ongoing and honest conversations about what we want out of our marriage?… I can think of a few things, but it definitely ranks top 5.@serendipity.six
Mine was simple: take the enneagram test. It was a game changer for us to discover what motivated our decisions, caused our conflicts, and also how to navigate life together in health.@sancianicole
My best advice is compromise. Winning an argument isn’t fun when the other person is upset or hurt. Your spouse is your partner for life, they are on your side. I have been with my husband for 13 years, 6 years married as of this past summer.@mmludgate
We are almost 3 months into our marriage (married September 1st) and 7 years into our relationship. Our advice is always take time for each other; turn of the cell phone/computer/TV and go for a walk, talk to each other and be fully present with each other for at least an hour or so each day (or whenever you get to see your s/o). Quality time is key.@heather_jade
My husband and I have been together for 7 years now and married for 2. The best advice that we received which has helped us so much in these early years of marriage was from our pre-martial counselor. He suggested that when we’re finding ourselves in a conflict, to remember that each of us had different styles of processing and responding and that neither of us has the “right or wrong” way to doing so. So, for example, when my natural instinct in a conflict is to talk it out and fix the issue right away, I try to remember that he needs more time to think to be able to fix the issue. If you jump to the conclusion that your significant other is not processing and responding the way you prefer, you will end up more angry and distant than if you accept their communication style.@aliciaklewis
For more marriage advice, pre-order Dote Magazine Weddings Volume 3 here.